I decided to get carried away with cidering this month.
I mean … Why not?
So what can go wrong, huh?
Well, for starters, the Boom had some hiccups. The engine kept dying for no good reason, and the hydraulics went out when I was on top of a tree, and I had to put in a 911 to Mary, who restarted the engine for me, gave me a good scolding, and went back to the house.
I fixed that problem the very next day.
I made 2 batches, and I started posting ads on the local online bulletin board.
Fresh Cider for Sale
Today marks the 356th anniversary of the apple that fell on Newton and unlocked gravity.
An apple fell on Me the other day, and it went … splat.
Seriously, folks, the cidering season is upon us, and I’ve got waaaay more cider than I’ve got space in my refrigerator.
So I’m giving it away for $1/quart, and it is lip smacking good.
Wouldn’t you rather smack than splat?
Just stay on Cote Hill rd. You can’t miss the sign
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Another Batch of Cider for Sale
It’s the end of the beginning of cider season, and my latest batch is a blend of early apples from a red tree, a yellow tree, and a red-and-yellow tree. It is very sweet, not at all tart, and the color of carrot juice.
I gave some to my wife and …
She took a sip,
She breathed it in,
She looked me in the eye.
She clutched my arm and teetered, and
She gave a little cry.
“Ohmigod!
This stuff’s delicious”
And she took another swig.
“You should bottle it and sell it.
This could be really big!”
So I’m on it.
Get yours for a buck a quart, 2.5 miles from the Black Diamond BBQ, on Cote Hill Rd.
You can’t miss the sign.
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Suddenly, the neigborhood was checking out my cider, and I was a D-list celebrity.
At this point, our friend across the road was having a memorial for her late husband. A very solemn and dignified affair with 70 guests and catered hors d’oeurves. We’d contributed half a dozen bottles of cider to the bar, which I considered a great honor.
The day of the memorial, I puttered in the shop all morning and then had a sandwich and a big glass of cider for lunch.
It was delicious, but … 45 minutes later, I got the shits.
This happens to me occasionally (TMI), but I asked myself: Was it the sandwich or the cider? What if those 70 dignified guests across the road drink my cider and then they all get the shits in the middle of the event? OMG.
We talked it over, compared our recent intestinal health, and decided to cross our fingers.
We put on our Sunday best, walked across the road, and … half the people there were drinking my cider.
“Oh shit,” I thought to myself.
Batch IV: More Cider for Sale
Yes, I name my ciders with roman numerals.
Sort of like superbowls and scions, except that ciders rarely disappoint.
True, batch II wasn’t very good, but that tree always makes better pie than cider. At least it’s not good for nothing!
Batch IV is the last of my early apples, which tend to all fall down at once when you’re not paying attention. From here on out, the flavors are going to be all over the map, so strap yourself in.
This batch is from a blotchy, crisp eating apple, and it makes a high-pitched chord on your taste buds.
Plus: No worms!
The tree was ginormous, and loaded to the gills, so I’ve got tons of cider and (you’ll recall) no place to put it.
So come on by. Help me out. Buy some cider for a buck a bottle and then …
Pucker up!
Follow Cote Hill rd 2.5 mi from the Black Diamond BBQ. You can’t miss the sign.
By the way – I sulfite my ciders to kill bacteria, so nobody gets hurt.
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It was a beautiful day, and the apples on the big tree down by the swamp were starting to drop, so I panicked, and I cranked up the picker. In about 2 hours, I picked about 2 boxes, and we pressed out 93 quarts of cider.
Batch V is Here! Fresh Cider for Sale
Once in awhile, my cat will bring a dead mouse to my doorstep, and I tell him what a Mighty Hunter he is, and I rub his belly, and then I throw away his mouse.
The other day, …
I was out picking apples,
I brought home a record haul.
I left it on the doorstep
To show to one and all.
Mary sighed when she saw it
and if looks could talk, they’d say
“I really think you might be getting
a little carried away.”
If only she wasn’t right, huh?
Batch V comes from my favorite tree and, when you sip it, the entire experience happens in the top half of your mouth. You’ll love it.
New low price is 2 for $2.
Because one won’t be enough.
Follow Cote Hill Rd 2.5 miles from the Black Diamond. You can’t miss the sign.
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Up to now, between giving it away and selling it, I’d managed to keep most of the cider cold most of the time. But suddenly, I had 93 quarts on my hands, and no way to keep it cold. I needed a big refrigerator. This probably seems obvious, and I shoulda seen it coming, but I struggled with it: I don’t want another refrigerator, but I need one.
Once I wrapped my head around that, I bought the biggest, cheapest refrigerator I could find. It came with a 1 month warranty and a yeast infection, but I cleaned it up and it solved my problem. For now.
I was moving boxes in the basement and I came upon Mary’s old telescope. I set it up on the deck and, for the first time in my life, I saw the moons of Uranus.
I was minding my own business, setting up to pick and press, when a lady showed up in the garden, waving and trying to get my attention.
”Yoo Hoo! Hellooo! Are you the cider guy?”
I put down my box and turned off the tractor. Huh?
Turns out a friend of her daughter-in-law had tried my cider and put out the word, and this woman was on a mission to score a bottle.
“The cooler is empty,” she told me.
I sold her two bottles.
Batch Alert! Fresh Cider for Sale
My refrigerator runneths over… Again!
It’s the end of the middle of the cider season, and I’ve been cranking it out.
Apple cider Batch VIII is ready to go, and the cooler by my driveway is stocked with 3 or 4 new varieties to tickle your taste buds. A couple of them were small picks, so get here early, before they get snapped up and there’s nothing left but the good stuff.
Start at the Black Diamond.
Stay on Cote Hill Road.
You can’t miss the sign.
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I hurt myself.
I wish I could say I hurt myself picking apples, but that would be too poetic.
Sometimes, I sleep wrong on my pillow and I wake up with a pain in my neck. It usually goes away by itself in a few hours, but this time I worked outside all day and I made it worse. And the next day, I worked inside all day and I made it even worse.
We think it’s bursitis, and the fix is rest and relaxation.
So the cidering season might be over before it’s even done!
Suppose, for the sake of argument, that I were to take my little roadside apple juice stand to the next level. Scale it up. Run it like a business. Get rich.
My new company would need a name.
How about: The Cider Pick, Press, Pack and Refrigerate Company.
Or … C3PR for short.